Attraction may seem mysterious, but scientists believe that it can be split of in to different categories including physical attraction, behaviors, and pair bonding. Physical attraction is the first step in a relationship. It relies heavily on visual cues and split second judgement of physical traits that show the good health of the mate.

Visual attraction is dependent on symmetry, hormonally driven features, and even smell. The features make us feel interested in a particular mate, even though most don’t understand the roots of these feelings.

After two mates are attracted to each other based on these physical characteristics, behaviors are judged in order to see if the two are compatible.

Some scientists believe that most people are attracted to mates that exhibit similar behaviors as they do. It was found that mates with similar genetics were more likely to have happy marriages.

Once a bond is created based on physical and behavioral traits, a relationship is formed. Some relationships are long lasting, while others are short lived. So why would one relationship survive, when others fail. Experts separate relationships into 5 distinct stages:

Stage 1: The Honeymoon

It is in this stage that couples are idealistic, ardent, and very optimistic about their relationship. Problems are very rare and the basis for a misunderstanding is so insignificant that within a few minutes to a few hours, you are both over it. You always want to show affection to your partner and to make love often. This may not be the case for all couples but as a rule, this stage is characterized by thinking about your partner and wanting to be with them.

Stage 2: The Accommodation

In this stage, the pair starts to face reality. It is in this stage that roles are recognized, expectations are laid down and give-and-take rules are made.

Often this is where clashes occur, with both partners aiming to be dominant. This is the time to learn about problem solving, conflict management and communication with your partner.

Stage 3: The Challenge

A couple doesn’t actually realize how strong their bond is until they have troubles thrown at them by life in general. This stage permits partners to know what they can expect from each other at difficult times. Each partner has their own ideas about how to raise children and how to deal with the extended family.

The challenge is to be aware of these ideas and come to a mutual agreement. Sometimes the relationship has not turned out to be how one or other of the partners expected. This is the time when partners may find themselves attracted to other people, and infidelity may occur.

How a couple handle this stage will decide the path they will take in the next stage.

Stage 4: The Crossroads

Once couples arrive at this stage they have already faced some problems and now other life choices will have to be made. Many difficulties have already occurred and the couple has learned how each other reacts in various circumstances. The emotional patterns of each are evident and they have recognized patterns of handling problems. It is common for difficulties to crop up in this stage, but because they have already faced many challenges, there is a good chance of working through these and getting to the final stage.

Stage 5: Rebirth

It is projected that only 20% of all couples make it to this stage. By this time they have come to understand their chosen partner. Couples discover how and when to negotiate and they understand each other’s differences with the minimum of disagreement. In this stage couples learn to re-value and love each other all over again.

In many instances, a couple’s attraction for each other fades because they drift apart. Love must be fostered as well as each other’s needs and desires and they should take time to be together – to be in touch and to value each other’s point of view. Any love will weaken if it is not given any attention and no effort is made to keep it alive. Love lingers through friendship, sex, and talking to each other. Do not take love for granted because if you do, it may vanish.

Studies have show that there are two different types of people when it comes to life experiences and relationships. There are thrill-seekers and there are people that avoid risk and tend to gravitate toward “comfort”. It is not always black and white, and there are a wide spectrum of personality traits that lie in the middle.

In a relationship, thrill-seekers and comfort seekers are opposites and would tend to clash over, as they would desire different things. Thrill seekers tend to be out-going and open to new experiences. They would be more interested in a fun night out, or a gathering with lots of interesting and unique people. On the other hand comfort-seekers would rather stay home and watch a movie.

- If people in a relationship have these opposite characteristics, it would tend to drive a wedge between them, as they have different goals.

Thrill Seekers

People who seek adventure and engage in high risk behavior tend to have higher levels of dopamine, than people who aren’t thrill seeking. Studies have showed that their brains tend to release more dopamine than normal. People with these physical traits were more likely to “explore novel environments”, but also more likely to become addicted to drugs such as cocaine.

As far as relationships go, thrill seekers often have a higher number of partners and engage in sexually risky behaviors. The risk seeking genes, also can predict infidelity at higher levels. This type of infidelity is driven by the need to have new experiences. So even if you feel compatible, when your first meet, the longer a relationship lasts, the more obvious these differences become.

Comfort-Seekers

People look to relationships to lower their levels of anxiety and put them at ease, tend to be in this category. People seeking comfort are looking for stability and dependability in a relationship. They are not looking for new experiences or to engage in risky types of behaviors. These behaviors can extend into different aspects of a person’s life. This would include work, money, as well as relationships. Comfort seekers tend to play it safe in their financial lives as well. They are less likely to make riskier investments, such as the stock market.

Relationships with Thrill Seekers and Comfort Seekers

Considering that these two groups of people have completely different drives and motivations, their relationships also tend to be very different. Thrill seekers may tend to fall in and out of love more quickly. They enjoy meeting new people, so their relationships can be fleeting. If you are in a relationship with this type of person, it can be more interesting because they enjoy going out, drinking, and having a good time. The downside would be that they are much more likely to cheat and seek a new relationship after the novelty has worn off.

Comfort seekers are more likely to seek partner and stick with them for a long time. They find happiness in a routine and enjoy coming home to the same person every day.

- If you are looking for a long-term stable relationship, this is the type of person you might want to seek out. They will be less interested in going out often, but less likely to cheat as well.

Recently scientists have been looking into statistics generated by online dating sites as a way to study human compatibility. All of this never before seen data can be used to see what daters respond to mentally, physically, and emotionally. This new source of information can help scientists understand what physical characteristics and personality traits help form a solid couple. These studies have led many of the top dating sites like eHarmony, Perfect Match, and Chemistry.com to create unique algorithms that try to match couples based on scientific data.

Some scientists question this type of matchmaking, because it has not undergone scrutiny or peer reviews. But, proponents like the designer of Chemistry.com’s algorithm, Dr. Helen Fisher, attempt to create relationships by matching characteristics associated with brain chemistry and hormonal system. One of these systems was the dopamine system that is associated with “risk-taking, novelty-seeking, curiosity, creativity, spontaneity”.

Single people all have a mental idea of what traits they desire in a mate. Unfortunately, many experts say that this list of traits does not usually lead to a beneficial outcome. As a single person, a first choice might not necessarily be the best in the long term. The dating site, eHarmony, has created a matching algorithm that is based on core personality traits. It has often been noticed that many couples have similar characteristics. This algorithm seeks to match people on like characteristics like disposition, social skills, and personality type. This algorithm is based on the belief that “like-minded” individuals are more compatible for a long term relationship.

Chemistry.com on the other hand has a matching algorithm that is based on “chemical systems in the brain”, psychological profiling, and social aptitude. This is an improvement when compared to daters that choose their own matches. Research has shown that singles only actually went on a date around 1% of the dating profiles they viewed. So, our own split second judgement when it comes to choosing a long-term potential mate, may be flawed.

The Personality Test

Online dating has turned into a billion dollar a year business and there is plenty of money to fund these complex matching algorithms. Most of these are based off extensive personality testing that each user completes when they first sign up. These test can be extremely long, consisting of up to 400 questions. Eharmoney claims to match against “29 dimensions of compatibility” that are created out of the extensive questionaires. The questionnaire looks to get to the root of a single person’s personality traits, morals, likes and dislikes. This data is then analyzed and matched against the questionnaires of potential matches. A list of matches is then presented to the user in their account or sent via email.

Science of Compatibility

Many different factors help couples create a romantic bond. As science delves deeper into understanding how attraction forms, biological traits like dissimilar immune systems, hormonal fluctuations in both men and women, and even birth order factor into whether two people are compatible. Immune system compatibility is the first laboratory that might allow future couples to predict a long term outcome of a relationship. As scientists come to understand the genetic and physical factors which create attraction, a blood test might eventually be able to determine whether you and your mate are truly compatible.

Dating in a Virtual Environment

There are a few complanies seeking to match customers based on their intereactions in a virtual environment. One such site is called Omnidate. The theory behind virtual dating is that a comfortable environment can more easily help 2 people get to know each other. A “virtual date” is a safe place where two people can meet, communicate, and ultimately decide whether or not they are compatible. Some think that meeting a potential date in a virtual environment may not show if the 2 are truly compatible, as people tend to act differently online, when compared to real life situations. Sites like Omnidate, Virtual Date Space, and NewFriends4U.

The biggest “obstacle” to finding a relationship online, is getting the initial response…

If you have a high school yearbook photo, as your  main profile image, you are wasting money on a dating subscription. There may be hundreds of eligible singles on the dating site that scroll right past you, because your profile is BORING!

Setting yourself out from the crowd by being unique or interesting will generate a flood of responses.

Use Your Profile to Show “Uniqueness”

Attention grabbing pictures and background info are the key getting a ton of great responses. Funny or interesting profile pictures attract comments and alot of interest in your profile. If you get funny or interesting, comments, they will lead to many more connections on the site.

The “connections” or friendships which develop from commenting back and forth, may eventually lead to some type of relationship. Here are 5 tips t o make your profile more interesting:

1) Pictures of You and Your Hobby – the blog for the dating site Ok Cupid has alot of great information about what daters are attracted to. One of the most interesting things they found out was that profiles which contained pictures of a person engaged in their hobby were about double as likely to be contacted. This type of picture is key to getting the most form your online dating experience.

2) Social Proof – One thing other daters like to see are pictures of you having fun with your friends. This is called “social proof”. Social proof is especially important when you are not a face to face conversation. This helps to verify that you do have a normal social life.

3) What You Want – people that are looking to date often want very different things from a relationship. People can be compatible, but be at completely different stages in their life. If you want to have fun and party, you might want to say that on your profile. Getting attention from people that want to settle down and have kids is just a waste of your time.

4) Be Honest – Lying on a profile will only cause problems down the line. Telling people that you are a certain age or have a certain job, when you really don’t, will send the other person running. Truth is very important on a dating site. If you get caught lying, you’ve most likely destroyed any chance you have for a relationship.

5) Show Your Personality – If you have a boring profile, you might come off as a boring person. Take a little bit of extra time and put some though into what you write. This will give the other person information about you, so you can strike up a conversation.

How to Avoid “Acting” Desperate

One of the biggest turn-offs in internet dating is jealously. This is especially true if a relationship hasn’t really been established yet. Most dating site contain huge databases that are full of single people. Becoming emotionally involved with the first person you communicate with, excludes MANY suitable matches.

If your romantic interest talks about communicating with other people, it should be a signal to you that you should do the same. You might come full circle and start dating eventually, but start meeting more people on the site and see everything that is available.

- When you first start out, try and make some friends. Once you get accustomed to how thing work, trying persuing a relationship.

Don’t Take Rejection Personal

There may be hundreds of local people on a big dating site. If you make the first contact, odds are that you will get rejected some of the time.

- Rebounding from this rejection is part of the dating process. If you feel like you aren’t making progress with one person, move on to another one.